Paul B's thread
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Paul B
paul b
I couple of weeks ago my wife and I are invited to go out on my friends boat with him and his wife. Great, let someone else use some gas for once.
He has the same size boat as I have but some people really shouldn't be allowed to own a boat.
We get on the boat and his wife tells me that everything is wrong with the boat even though it is very new. They only use it once or twice a year and they bought it new for like $130,000.00.
So it costs them like $10,000.00 every time they use it so far.
We are supposed to go to Connecticut which is about an hour ride. I figure "everything: is wrong with the boat so I will ask a simple question. (It's the Boat Captain in me)
I asked if he has flares.
He says "Of course I have flares"
I ask if they are expired?
His wife tells me, "they don't know because they are in that cabinet, and they can't open it".
OK, great. I force open the cabinet and ask for some WD-40 so they can open it easily.
He tells me the mechanic is fixing "something electronic" on the boat.
I ask, "What is he fixing?"
He doesn't know. That makes me feel great now that we are taking this thing for an hour ride to another state, Thoughts of "Gilligans Island" flash through my head.
I say, what do you mean "You don't know what he is fixing?"
"I don't know but he fixed it temporarily". Temporarily with what! Like a paperclip!
OK so we head out. I say, put on some music!
"The radio doesn't work" Of course not!
I say I think we are in for a storm so we should not go to Connecticut (or anywhere else further than the lines tied to the dock)
So his wife convinces him to stay in the harbor.
The storm I predicted hits us with a fury. I yell, "Drop the Anchor".
(In a storm, the first thing you are supposed to do is drop the anchor so you don't crash into the other boats moored there.)
So I see him climb out to the front of the boat and start to kick the anchor.
I ask, "What are you doing? " Don't you just push the button near the steering wheel to drop the anchor?
Of course, but first I have to "kick it".
Why, are you mad at it?
He asks, "Don't you have to kick your anchor?"
No, I don't. Why would I? I said "Does the Captain of the aircraft carrier Enterprise have to kick the anchor?"
He said, it doesn't go down unless you kick it. I ask if he ever read the manual. He told me that the boat came with too many manuals and he doesn't like to read manuals.
I said "It Shows!"
So he kicks the anchor a few times until it falls into the sea. We ride out the storm and get ready to leave for port. Now it is pitch black and about 10:00pm. He is driving with the plastic front window wrapped around his face and trying to see through the inky darkness. We are traversing through many boats and moorings. I said, "Don't you have a floodlight?"
He says "Of Course", I say "Where is it?" He says "In my garage" I said "I hope it's on".
Then I stupidly ask, Why don't you just follow the dotted lines back on the Chart Plotter?
(The chart plotter on a boat puts dots on the screen that follow the boats course, this way, when you want to return, you just follow the dots so you know exactly how to get back.)
He asks "What Dots?"
I look at his chart plotter and the entire screen is white. Since he has the boat he never deleted the dots so they kept adding up until now the screen is pure white as it is "all" dots.
I said Why didn't you delete the previous courses? He says "You can do that?" Like Duh, and I almost went to Connecticut with this Jiboni. (He is one of my closest friends)
Now we are getting near his dock and I see a wooden work boat, then about 35 feet back a nice Yacht and we had to "park" in between them. Our wives are in the cabin probably discussing cellulite or anti perspirants that don't leave stains on silk and all of a sudden, it was like the Titanic. CRASH, we hit the work boat. Our boat runs up on to it and slides back into the water.
I said, "Would you like me to dock this for you?" He said, Would you please.
So tomorrow I am going there to fix his radio, chart plotter, anchor, cabinet and everything else wrong with the thing.
His boat is very similar to mine but a foot longer.
He has the same size boat as I have but some people really shouldn't be allowed to own a boat.
We get on the boat and his wife tells me that everything is wrong with the boat even though it is very new. They only use it once or twice a year and they bought it new for like $130,000.00.
So it costs them like $10,000.00 every time they use it so far.
We are supposed to go to Connecticut which is about an hour ride. I figure "everything: is wrong with the boat so I will ask a simple question. (It's the Boat Captain in me)
I asked if he has flares.
He says "Of course I have flares"
I ask if they are expired?
His wife tells me, "they don't know because they are in that cabinet, and they can't open it".
OK, great. I force open the cabinet and ask for some WD-40 so they can open it easily.
He tells me the mechanic is fixing "something electronic" on the boat.
I ask, "What is he fixing?"
He doesn't know. That makes me feel great now that we are taking this thing for an hour ride to another state, Thoughts of "Gilligans Island" flash through my head.
I say, what do you mean "You don't know what he is fixing?"
"I don't know but he fixed it temporarily". Temporarily with what! Like a paperclip!
OK so we head out. I say, put on some music!
"The radio doesn't work" Of course not!
I say I think we are in for a storm so we should not go to Connecticut (or anywhere else further than the lines tied to the dock)
So his wife convinces him to stay in the harbor.
The storm I predicted hits us with a fury. I yell, "Drop the Anchor".
(In a storm, the first thing you are supposed to do is drop the anchor so you don't crash into the other boats moored there.)
So I see him climb out to the front of the boat and start to kick the anchor.
I ask, "What are you doing? " Don't you just push the button near the steering wheel to drop the anchor?
Of course, but first I have to "kick it".
Why, are you mad at it?
He asks, "Don't you have to kick your anchor?"
No, I don't. Why would I? I said "Does the Captain of the aircraft carrier Enterprise have to kick the anchor?"
He said, it doesn't go down unless you kick it. I ask if he ever read the manual. He told me that the boat came with too many manuals and he doesn't like to read manuals.
I said "It Shows!"
So he kicks the anchor a few times until it falls into the sea. We ride out the storm and get ready to leave for port. Now it is pitch black and about 10:00pm. He is driving with the plastic front window wrapped around his face and trying to see through the inky darkness. We are traversing through many boats and moorings. I said, "Don't you have a floodlight?"
He says "Of Course", I say "Where is it?" He says "In my garage" I said "I hope it's on".
Then I stupidly ask, Why don't you just follow the dotted lines back on the Chart Plotter?
(The chart plotter on a boat puts dots on the screen that follow the boats course, this way, when you want to return, you just follow the dots so you know exactly how to get back.)
He asks "What Dots?"
I look at his chart plotter and the entire screen is white. Since he has the boat he never deleted the dots so they kept adding up until now the screen is pure white as it is "all" dots.
I said Why didn't you delete the previous courses? He says "You can do that?" Like Duh, and I almost went to Connecticut with this Jiboni. (He is one of my closest friends)
Now we are getting near his dock and I see a wooden work boat, then about 35 feet back a nice Yacht and we had to "park" in between them. Our wives are in the cabin probably discussing cellulite or anti perspirants that don't leave stains on silk and all of a sudden, it was like the Titanic. CRASH, we hit the work boat. Our boat runs up on to it and slides back into the water.
I said, "Would you like me to dock this for you?" He said, Would you please.
So tomorrow I am going there to fix his radio, chart plotter, anchor, cabinet and everything else wrong with the thing.
His boat is very similar to mine but a foot longer.
Paul B
paul b
We are having people on the boat so we went to the market.
We call that market "Angel Eyes". We gave it that name because a few years ago we were shopping there and I was off looking at asparagus, rudabaker, or Oldsmobile fenders and I see this guy talking to my wife.
I sashay over there and he says to me, Is this beautiful Lady with you? I said yes she is. He says: You are a very lucky man because I can tell that she has "Angel eyes, and the eyes are the windows to your soul".
AS I was about to puke he goes on to say that he used to be a male model but now he "porked" up to have a 32" waist.
Like I never used that male model or angel eye line before.
Then I picked up my wife from the floor in the place where she had melted and we went off to buy tomatoes.
We call that market "Angel Eyes". We gave it that name because a few years ago we were shopping there and I was off looking at asparagus, rudabaker, or Oldsmobile fenders and I see this guy talking to my wife.
I sashay over there and he says to me, Is this beautiful Lady with you? I said yes she is. He says: You are a very lucky man because I can tell that she has "Angel eyes, and the eyes are the windows to your soul".
AS I was about to puke he goes on to say that he used to be a male model but now he "porked" up to have a 32" waist.
Like I never used that male model or angel eye line before.
Then I picked up my wife from the floor in the place where she had melted and we went off to buy tomatoes.
Paul B
paul b
Janss Pipefish having lunch with friends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rchIXRIDE2A&feature=youtu.be
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rchIXRIDE2A&feature=youtu.be
Paul B
paul b
I had a blue wrasse that grew too large so I wanted to give him back to the store. I made a small fish hook by heating a small needle and bending it into a hook. I caught him in a few seconds and brought him back.
I wanted a smaller fish so I just told the guy to give me a flasher wrasse. I stupidly didn't look at the wrasse and when I put him in my tank he sunk like a brick. I looked closer and noticed he was covered in Parasites.
Great.
I felt bad for the little guy and since he couldn't swim I was able to catch him and take him out.
I don't keep hospital tanks so I had to empty out my small mangrove tank to put the fish in. I also have a bottle of copper and formalin from the 70s so I put him in there doth a drop of that.
He is in bad shape and I don't expect him to live the night but I was in a hurry and it is totally my fault.
Here is a video of me catching that wrasse with a hook,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCc-9qTsR_w&feature=youtu.be
I wanted a smaller fish so I just told the guy to give me a flasher wrasse. I stupidly didn't look at the wrasse and when I put him in my tank he sunk like a brick. I looked closer and noticed he was covered in Parasites.
Great.
I felt bad for the little guy and since he couldn't swim I was able to catch him and take him out.
I don't keep hospital tanks so I had to empty out my small mangrove tank to put the fish in. I also have a bottle of copper and formalin from the 70s so I put him in there doth a drop of that.
He is in bad shape and I don't expect him to live the night but I was in a hurry and it is totally my fault.
Here is a video of me catching that wrasse with a hook,
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YCc-9qTsR_w&feature=youtu.be
Paul B
paul b
There is a chance that I may have to take my tank down.* I don't know yet.* I need back surgery, which I assume is better than front surgery.* I have a real man condition from doing Real Man heavy work all my life and I don't mean carrying Supermodels on my shoulder as they don't weigh much.* I have 5 or 6 degenerative disks with compression fractures and everything is inflamed and some nerves are crushed. (sissy nerves)
I don't know yet as I am still going for shots in my spine with vodka/Grand Marnier/Prizapro but that isn't working real great yet. I also tried a fresh water dip and may quarantine myself in the bathroom for 72 days.
The pills I am on say not to operate heavy machinery so I am not driving my Jeep, only my PT Cruiser because it is lighter.
I need to fix this so I can take care of my wife and she is all upset.
If I get this done, and I may go to the hospital for special surgery in Manhattan, (We passed it in my boat yesterday and boating on the East River through Hells Gate was probably not too prudent with this condition) I may need a month of rehabilitation (which is sissy bending and twisting like ballet dancers) My tank won't last a month if I am not here, my pipefish especially frown on that.
I can't change the water now and probably not for a year so we will see how that works out.*
Of course none of this may happen, they may say I am not candidate for surgery and should just run for President as I may be a candidate for that, but of course I would institute a draft where everyone would have to go into the army and that would include Men, Women, infants, Popes, and especially Liberals.
I let my friend do most of the driving because these pills make me a little stupefied and I am not sure if I am driving a boat or an airplane.hmy:
I don't know yet as I am still going for shots in my spine with vodka/Grand Marnier/Prizapro but that isn't working real great yet. I also tried a fresh water dip and may quarantine myself in the bathroom for 72 days.
The pills I am on say not to operate heavy machinery so I am not driving my Jeep, only my PT Cruiser because it is lighter.
I need to fix this so I can take care of my wife and she is all upset.
If I get this done, and I may go to the hospital for special surgery in Manhattan, (We passed it in my boat yesterday and boating on the East River through Hells Gate was probably not too prudent with this condition) I may need a month of rehabilitation (which is sissy bending and twisting like ballet dancers) My tank won't last a month if I am not here, my pipefish especially frown on that.
I can't change the water now and probably not for a year so we will see how that works out.*
Of course none of this may happen, they may say I am not candidate for surgery and should just run for President as I may be a candidate for that, but of course I would institute a draft where everyone would have to go into the army and that would include Men, Women, infants, Popes, and especially Liberals.
I let my friend do most of the driving because these pills make me a little stupefied and I am not sure if I am driving a boat or an airplane.
hmy:
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